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The secret selfishness of the new-parent “epiphany.”

How many of you know someone, maybe it’s you, who fits this mold:

  • Somewhat irresponsible;
  • Probably mid to late-20s;
  • Recently had a child(ren);
  • Suddenly very enthusiastic about the Meaning of Life.

Perhaps you’ve heard (or said) some transliteration of this: “I understand life now”; “My life before seemed meaningless”; “I suddenly seem so insignificant”; “You just don’t understand… I get it now….”

Oi.

This is what I’m going to call (why not?) the Fallacy of Profundity of the Recent Parent.

The recent parent is suddenly Inspired, suddenly Understands It All, Just Gets It, etc.

Here’s what is actually happening:

They have not in fact become more sophisticated, knowledgeable, or humble; their new status masquerades as such because of a societal moré that any new life is sacred. This is an artifact from a time in which human reproductive processes were in fact continuing to assure the survival of the human species, not contribute to its demise.

But no matter.

This formerly (though actually still) superficial person has only disguised their selfishness: though they think they live only for this child, they are in fact only enamored with Continuing Their Genetic Line, only without having to be on the playing field. They get to assure themselves of the continuation of their genetic material (which their very cells are programmed to worship), without having to do the heavy lifting anymore, and also suddenly being granted Sage status.

It’s a load of shit. It’s disguised self-interest, it’s the same superficial motherfucker (or motherfuckeress) from before, this time even more infuriately hiding behind the societally-reinforced Appearance of Sacredness.

Fuck you, and fuck your cloying offspring that you only see as an extension of yourself.

DM

 

ps If you’ve adopted, disregard this message.

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About dexter j mobley!

Spraying venom and bile-- but you'll always know where you stand.

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